Movin' on Up

In the immortal words of Arnold Schwarzenneger, "Hasta la vista, baby".

I am leaving Commander Clean to scrub and polish and shine his way into oblivion! Bring on the dirty dishes that stay in the sink for more than 2.5 seconds before being pro-hygenically sand blasted by His Lordship. Bring on the water that drips onto the floor without having to re-wash the entire living room with a bleach / ammonia compound scientifically formulated to cleanse the fun out of any dinner party. Bring on the piles of laundry being left in the washing machine because I NEED to go out and can't wait around for the stupid geriatric machine for two hours.

Woop woop! Oh healthy sense of messiness, envelop me. I am sorry that I beat you into submission while living with the Grime Gestapo, I can only imagine the rank disorder that we will be capable of in our new place...

It is such a pure and unparalleled joy that I feel when I think of stripping naked to shower and actually leaving the clothes lying on the floor! Gasp! Such eccentricities were surely only meant for royalty...surely this cannot be how normal folk live? Oh the deprivation I have endured!!!!

Ok, so enough with the hyperbole. I am psyched because I am leaving the palace of perfection to live in a normal flat with a normal friend who has the normal quota of general psychoses.

Have found a gorgeous little freestanding duplex / simplex? I can never remember the difference. It's in a great complex and our wee house even has its own garden. Neighbours are not too close and we're opposite the pool - yay for summer cocktails in the sunshine! I'm going to view it again tonight - obliged to show the parents, even though nothing they say could quell the love that I have in my heart for this place.

Joy joy joy!

Here, for your perusal is a list of transgressions I have suffered at the hand of Commander Clean:

1. No freezer space. I cannot buy food in advance, even though there are three freezer drawers, as he has stacked them with a year's supply of steak, chicken, pizza and ice cream. Ice cream that he does not share.

2. Sneaky additions to my rent. My rent was meant to be all inclusive but now I am paying extra for the cleaning lady and her taxi fare as he is too cheap to fork out for this.

3. Washing. He actually told me that we should do our washing together because it will save on electricity. As if I'm doing half loads or washing my panties on the three hour cotton setting. So now I'm supposed to put his icky boxers in with my Jo Borkett work shirts? I think not.

4. T.V. I was enjoying a rather humourous episode of Malcolm in the Middle recently when he actually changed the channel to what he wanted to watch. While I was sitting there! Watching my show! And you know what he switched to? Biker Build Off on Discovery!!! Can you say 'white trash???'

5. Misogyny. He doesn't miss an opportunity to lament the idiocy of women and how we're obviously the weaker, dumber sex. It makes me so mad I just want to hit him with my handbag, filled with bricks.

There are many more petty annoyances but I'll put those all behind me and move on to bigger, happier things.

Finally, I can actually look forward to going home, instead of experiencing the mounting dread that looms over me when I leave work.

So long sucker, I won't be back!