Promiscuous Boy

Is everyone else aware of the fact that Ryk Neethling seems to be hocking his body left right and centre lately? Celebrity endorsement has taken off in this country in a big way and Ryk is definitely reaping the financial benfits. I had no problem with the Lays, USN and even the Yogi Sip spots. Audi and Tag Heuer were logical choices as everyone loves a winner and what better way to flog your product than to have it draped over a hunky Olympic gold medal winner? Oh that Ryk, with his cheeky smile and the seductive look in his eyes…he could sell microwaves to Amish women.

But I have to protest the giant billboard on the corner of William Nicol and Republic that has this Adonis of a man scantily clad (as per usual) and up to his navel in Jenna Clifford jewellery. This is blatantly Jenna Clifford’s way of publicising her own wet dream of one day owning a pocket-sized Ryk with whom she can have her dirty kugel way. It’s obvious that she knew that the only way she was ever going to see Ryk naked was to make up this farce of an ad campaign and pay him a truckload of cash to dive out of his tidy whiteys.

Look, I’m a red-blooded woman and I like thinking of Ryk feeding me Lays crisps as much as the next girl but this is a bit pathetic. What does jewellery have to do with swimming? It’s not like you ever see Ryk pimpin’ it with his macked out bling. It’s just not a logical reference. And Jesus wept, Ryk, put it away! If I ever manage to slip that rufey into your drink and get you back to my place, the mystery is gone – every bloody woman in SA has seen you sans clothing. It’s just not exciting anymore. Whenever I see pictures of you wearing clothes it’s like seeing a polar bear in the desert – it don’t make no sense.