All by myself

I've never been shy to go to movies by myself or take myself for coffee. In fact, there are times when I prefer to do these things alone as I find myself incredibly good company. Nobody understands me like me. I have a running joke with a mate overseas that I don't DO company as most people annoy the living crap out of me. All these people with their 'opinions' and their 'conversation' and their general ignorance. Bah humbug. If I'm given half a chance, these unsuspecting (and usually well-meaning) individuals inevitably wind up on the business end of a sarcastic insult. Not my fault, I swear. I am a veritable bucket of enthusiasm and I love socialising, but it must be with people who have bothered to learn how to string a sentence together. Call me elitist, but I don't see why I should be polite when faced with idiot ramblings like, "did you know that Marie Antoinette didn't actually say "let them eat cake"?" or "did you know, even though he painted like that, Picasso was actually a very good artist?". Wow guy, I too read those chappie papers when I was like, eleven. Thanks for anointing me with this precious blessing of your knowledge so that I may go forward and prosper in the crazy maze of trivia we call life.

But I digress...

The reason I was talking about enjoying my own company is because I have clearly reached the point where it looks like I am perpetually alone. I went for dinner recently (with a certain someone, I'll have you know) and as I arrived at the door to the restaurant where we were meeting, the maitre d' smiled at me sympathetically and stated "table for one". She already had the lone menu in her hand and was about to usher me to the darkest table in the corner of the restaurant so that the rest of the patrons wouldn't be subjected to my ugly display of solitude. Why even guess at that kind of thing, lady? That's as bad as seeing a larger woman and saying, "so when's that baby due?". Don't assume that I'm flying solo here buddy. There are various men kicking down various doors all over this here city for the chance to hang with me! Got it??? What irks me is that she just seemed so damn sure! You can imagine the icy glare she found herself faced with after I had managed to stop blushing and stuttering about meeting someone on the b-b-b-b-b-balcony.

Still, I have to wonder; maybe my mother put her up to it.